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• Personal Secretary

  7 July 2008, by Editor

  A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

  "Hey, what’s up with you?", he asked.

  "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me."

  "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?"

  "Neither. He’s bald."

• How to Start a Flood

  7 July 2008, by Editor

  A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.

  The lawyer said, "I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

  "That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

  The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

• Zoo Performer

  7 July 2008, by Editor

  One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

  However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

  The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

  The next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it’s a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

  However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.

  Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion’s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

  At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla.

  Well, this goes on for some time. The mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.

  Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

• Job Interview

  7 July 2008, by Editor

  Darla had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

  "Pretty good, I think," replied Darla, "but if I go to work there I won’t get a vacation until I’m married."

  Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?"

  "No", replied Darla, "but right on the application it said ’vacation time may not be taken until you’ve had your First Anniversary.’"