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• The Final Exam

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was a fill-in-the-blank.

  The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."

  Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

  Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?"

  Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."

  "Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."

  He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

  "You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

• Entrance Exam

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION (Time Limit: 3 Weeks)

  1. What language is spoken in France?

  2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions

  -OR-

  give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

  3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY

  4. What religion is the Pope? (please check only one answer) (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic

  5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

  6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

  7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

  8. What are people in America’s far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners

  9. Spell — Bush, Carter and Clinton

  10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

  11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy’s (b) a 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky

  12. Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity? (a) yes (b) no

  13. What are coat hangers used for?

  14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

  15. Explain Le Chatelier’s Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium

  -OR-

  spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

  16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

  17. Which part of America produces the most oranges? (a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin

  18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

  19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

  *You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify*

• Tennis Ball

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

  Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

  A girl standing next to him couldn’t help but notice the large bulge.

  "What’s that?" she asked, pointing at his shorts.

  "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

  "Oh my gosh," said the girl sympathetically... ,that must be very painful . . . . I had tennis elbow once!"

• Empty Seat

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  A man had tickets to see the Gold Medal Volleyball Match at the Olympics, front row, center court. As he sits down, a woman comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

  "No," he says. The seat is empty.

  "This is incredible", said the woman. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Gold Medal Finals and not use it?"

  He says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Olympic Volleyball Finals we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967."

  "Oh ... I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor - to take the seat?"

  The man shakes his head "No. They’re all at the funeral."