Relationship Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• 0 to 200 in 6 seconds

  4 February 2008, by Editor

  Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

  She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

  The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

  Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

  She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

  Bob has been missing since Friday.

• Observing the Baby

  4 February 2008, by Editor

  One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib.

  Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.

  Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said.

  "It’s amazing!" he replied. "I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."

• The Voice

  4 February 2008, by Editor

  A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. " Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

  He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

  "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

  "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

  "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

• Ending the Argument

  4 February 2008, by Editor

  A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying, "That’s not quite what I had in mind."

  Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects his offer, "That’s not quite what I had in mind."

  Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?"

  She retorts, "I’d like a divorce."

  He answers, "I hadn’t planned on spending quite that much."