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• What a Woman Wants in a Man

  17 September 2007, by Editor

  What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22)

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially Successful
  4. A Caring Listener
  5. Witty
  6. In Good Shape
  7. Dresses with Style
  8. Appreciates the Finer Things
  9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
  10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

  What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32)

  1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head
  2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
  3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
  4. Listens more than he talks
  5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
  6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
  7. Owns at least one tie
  8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
  9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
  10. Seeks romance at least once a week

  What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42)

  1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
  2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
  3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
  4. Nods head at appropriate times when I’m talking
  5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
  6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
  8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
  10. Shaves on most weekends

  What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52)

  1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
  2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
  3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
  4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep while I’m emoting
  5. Doesn’t re-tell same joke too many times
  6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
  9. Remembers your name on occasion
  10. Shaves on some weekends

  What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62)

  1. Doesn’t scare small children
  2. Remembers where bathroom is
  3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
  4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
  5. Doesn’t forgets why he’s laughing
  6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
  7. Usually wears some clothes
  8. Likes soft foods
  9. Remembers where he left his teeth
  10. Remembers when...

  What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72)

  -# Breathing

• Marriage Lessons

  17 September 2007, by Editor

  On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

  "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

  Tom responds, "Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness —and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single."

• Things You Never Use

  17 September 2007, by Editor

  Donna arrived home from work early one day and found her husband, Glen, in bed with another woman. "That’s it!" she shouted, "I’m leaving and I’m not coming back!"

  "Wait honey," Glen pleaded, "Can’t you at least let me explain?"

  "Fine, let’s hear your story," Donna replied.

  "Well, I was driving home when I saw this poor young lady sitting at the side of the road, barefoot, torn clothes, covered in mud and sobbing," explained Glen.

  "I immediately took pity on her and asked if she would like to get cleaned up. She got into the car and I brought her home. After she took a shower, I gave her a pair of the underwear that doesn’t fit you anymore, the dress that I bought you last year that you never wore, the pair of shoes you bought but never used and even gave her some of the turkey you had in the refrigerator but didn’t serve to me."

  "Then," Glen continued, "I showed her to the door and she thanked me. As she was walking down the step, she turned around and asked me, ’Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use anymore?’"

• Last Wish

  17 September 2007, by Editor

  Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.

  "Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. `Tillie,’ he told me, ’I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then I can rest in peace’."

  "What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked.

  "The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, ’Please use this money to buy a nice casket.’ So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably.

  "The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, ’Please use this for a nice funeral.’ I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending."

  "And the third envelope?" asked her friends.

  "The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, ’Please use this to buy a nice stone.’

  Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said, "So, do you like my stone?" showing off her ten carat diamond ring...