Profession Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• The Oldest Profession

  26 May 2008, by Editor

  A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

  The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

  The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

  The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

• Boss

  26 May 2008, by Editor

  A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".

  "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".

  The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

  Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

  To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

• A Successful Salesman

  26 May 2008, by Editor

  A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store.

  At the end of his first day on the job his boss fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?" "One," said the young salesman. "Only one," blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?" "100,000 dollars," said the young man. "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

  "Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

  The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

  "No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, ’Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.’"

• Where to Get a Lawyer

  26 May 2008, by Editor

  An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

  One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how’s it going down there in hell?"

  Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." Satan by Deddi Shy God replies, "What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

  Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him."

  God says, "Send him back up here or I’ll sue."

  Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"