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A wounded American soldier in a battlefield hospital in Iraq tells the nurse: "I wish I could kiss the American flag if I am going to die!"
Nurse, extremely touched by the soldier’s patriotism: "Actually, I have the American flag tattooed on my bottom. You may kiss my ass, if you don’t mind it."
Soldier: "Of course I wouldn’t mind it. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish as a patriot American."
The nurse took off her panties and the soldier kissed the flag. Soldier: "Thank you, nurse. Would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, I’m a rabbit!"
Q: What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?
A: Washington couldn’t tell a lie, Nixon couldn’t tell the truth, and Clinton doesn’t know the difference!