New Year Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• New Year’s Present

  7 January 2008, by Editor

  Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities.

  After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ’I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’

  ’Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly.

  At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ’The meaning of dreams’.

• Quitting Smoking

  7 January 2008, by Editor

  A young man at a New Year’s party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette.

  ’I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,’ his friend says.

  ’I’m in the process of quitting,’ the man says.

  ’Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.’

  ’What’s phase one?’

  ’I’ve quit buying.’

• New Year’s Resolutions for Internet Junkies

  7 January 2008, by Editor

  1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 7 e-mail addresses.

  2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife.

  3. I resolve to work with neglected children—my own.

  4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

  5. I resolve to back up my 10GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe...

  6. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet.

  7. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won’t reply "MS Tech Support."

  8. I will read the manual.

  9. I will think of a password other than "password."

  10. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning.

• what the new year looks like

  7 January 2008, by Editor

  A family of three where sitting next to the TV watching the countdown for the new year.

  The two brothers (one 7 the other 5) cheered when the countdown had finished.

  The youngest one raced to the nearest window to look outside. Perplexed the mother got up and asked "What are you doing Bobby?" With such great excitement he replied "I want to see what the new year looks like."