Marriage Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• Organic Vegetables

  7 July 2008, by Editor

  My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any.

  So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

  The guy looked at me and said, "No. You’ll have to do that yourself."

• Invitation to Dinner

  7 July 2008, by Editor

  "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

  "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meal!"

  "I know all that."

  "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

  "Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married."

• Divorce

  7 July 2008, by Editor

  A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

  She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

  "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

  "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

  "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

  "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents."

  He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

  "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

  "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

  "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

  "Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

  "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

  Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

  "Oh, I don’t want a divorce," she replied. "I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!"

• Repay

  7 July 2008, by Editor

  A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

  However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

  The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

  After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

  One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

  "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."