Man and Woman Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• Revenge

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.

  They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this:

  She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So what he did next was awesome:

  He wrote on the back of the photo the following: "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and then mailed the picture to her parents.

• Un-interested Husband

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  A woman complains to her friend that her husband is losing interest in sex, and he prefers nights out with the guys to the joys of copulation.

  Her friend tells her that to win his love, she must make more effort. She advises her to cook her man a slap up meal and then send him out drinking with his friends. When he returns, she must be dressed in her naughtiest lingerie and look her most beautiful.

  The following evening, she does exactly as instructed and is dressed to kill by the time her man returns. When he sees her lying on the bed in all her gear, he tells her to stand up and take it all off. He then tells her to do a hand stand against the bedroom mirror and open her legs. This excites the woman immensely as her hubby has never been this erotic before. She does as instructed, and then he puts his face between her legs, faces the mirror and says, "No, no....maybe the guys are right. A beard wouldn’t suit me"

• The Hammer

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  A man was in court for a double murder, and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

  A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You bastard!"

  The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

  Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You damned bastard!"

  The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?"

  The man at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years, I have lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer ... he said he never had one!"

• Buying Condoms

  12 November 2007, by Editor

  A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

  The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

  "Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

  The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

  "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

  "Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

  "WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

  With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for . . ."