Lawyer Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• Secret

  1 October 2007, by Editor

  After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long, luxurious stay at an exclusive Carribean resort. While relaxing on the beach, he was surprised to see a former high school classmate who he hadn’t seen since they graduated. His old friend had been something of a "burnout" in high school, and this was the last place Joe expected to see him.

  Joe approached the man, and seized his hand. "Pete, it’s Joe. From high school. It’s sure been a long time. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself."

  "I am," whispered Pete. "I am a partner with a very successful law firm. But don’t tell mother. She got the idea that I was a drug dealer back when I was in high school, and she would be terribly disappointed if she figured out how I really make my money."

• Brain for Sale

  1 October 2007, by Editor

  A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

  "How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

  "Three dollars an ounce."

  "How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

  "Four dollars an ounce."

  "How much for lawyer brain?"

  "$1,000 an ounce."

  "Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

  "Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

• A Grave for Two

  1 October 2007, by Editor

  A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

  "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said ’Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’"

• Where to Get a Lawyer

  1 October 2007, by Editor

  An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

  One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how’s it going down there in hell?"

  Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." Satan by Deddi Shy God replies, "What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

  Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him."

  God says, "Send him back up here or I’ll sue."

  Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"