Halloween Jokes        RSS 2.0

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• Vampire’s Favorite

  29 October 2007, by Editor

  What is a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel...

  What is a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving...

  What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure..

  What is a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Veinilla...

  What is a vampires least favorite food? A.Steak

• Fixing the Spelling

  29 October 2007, by Editor

  Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

  Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

  "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

  "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

• Halloween Party

  29 October 2007, by Editor

  A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

  The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

  She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

  She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

  Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

  She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there."

  Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

  He replied, "I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

• The Devil

  29 October 2007, by Editor

  A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

  When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

  "Who are you?" he asked.

  "I’m the Devil," she responded.

  "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."