Christmas Jokes and Funny Pictures        RSS 2.0

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• A Sign of the Times

  24 December 2007, by Editor

  As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what

  would you like for Christmas?"

  The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute,

  then gasped: "Didn’t you get my E-mail?"

• Christmas Riddles

  24 December 2007, by Editor

  Q:What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

  A:Snowflakes!

  Q:Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Procter and Gamble?

  A:It’s true....Comet cleans sinks!

  Q:What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

  A: Crisp Cringle.

  Q:If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?

  A: Missile-toe!

  Q:What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?

  A:Claus-trophobic.

  Q:Why does Rudolph feel at home in strip clubs?

  A: It’s the red-light district.

  Q:Why did Santa Claus trade Rudolph?

  A: He wanted change for a buck.

  Q: Where can you find literature about Santa’s assistants?

  A: In the Elf-help section.

  Q:What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

  A:Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

• Father Christmas Calls

  24 December 2007, by Editor

  Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, ’from Father Christmas.’

  A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning,

  we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason.

  ’What’s the matter, Al?’ I asked.

  ’Ummmm, ’replied Alex slowly, ’I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Christmas.’

• Christmas Turkey

  24 December 2007, by Editor

  It was Christmas Eve in Asda and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.

  In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, ’Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’

  ’No, madam, ’he replied, ’they’re all dead.’

• The three wise man came from a far

  24 December 2007, by Editor

  Three men died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They met together at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven.

  It was a norm to present something associated with Christmas at the entrance.

  The first man searched his pocket, and found some Mistletoe. He gifted it as a Christmas present.

  The second man offered a cracker and he was also allowed in.

  The third man pulled out a pair of stockings.

  Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asked, "How do these represent Christmas?" "They’re Carol’s." was the fun reply.

• Christmas Present

  24 December 2007, by Editor

  It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco.

  The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures.

  Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.

  So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"

  The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."

  "And why did you take him?"

  The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

• Afraid of Santa

  24 December 2007, by Editor

  A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "What’s wrong with me? I’m afraid of Santa."

  The psychiatrist said, "You must be Claustrofobic."

• I Know Something

  24 December 2007, by Editor

  I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus.

  Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy."

  Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?"

  He replied, "They’re all nocturnal."

• Big Christmas gift

  24 December 2007, by Editor
  

• Twins-in-christmas-holiday

  24 December 2007, by Editor
  

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