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Top Ten Ways To Be An Annoying Usher...
10. Show up drunk. I mean REALLY drunk.

9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here.

8. Two words: "Bathroom Key"

7. Insist on frisking all female guests. Body cavity searches are optional.

6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.

5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory.

4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.

3. Offer your "services" to all guests.

2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.

1. Insist on a pants-free environment.

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Jokes
Haunted Husband
There was once this couple who had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night there would be screams and shouts from their house. One day the old man said, “I'm sick and tired of you. When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you.”

After this, the old guy started practising black magic. All the dissapeareces of people, cats, dogs, etc. were blamed on him.

At the age of 80 the old guy dies, and his wife puts him in a casket. Later that night, she goes to the bar and parties as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbour comes up to her and says, “Aren't you scared that the old guy will dig up and haunt you?”

The old lady camly replied, “Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket the other way around.”

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