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Good News, Bad News
One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news....
Good news: He had a parachute.
Bad News: It didnt work.
Good News: There was a haystack down below.
Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack.
Good News: He missed the pitchfork.
Bad News: He missed the haystack.

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A Prayer Before Dying
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
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