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A woman told me...
How do you know when a man's going to say something intelligent?

He starts his sentence with ''A woman told me...''


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Doctor's Orders
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.  Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal.  For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.  Don't burden him with chores.  Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.   No nagging.  And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.  If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.  "What did the doctor say?" “He said you're going to die,"  she replied.

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