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Bed Time
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''

''No. You had your chance.''

A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''

''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''

''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''

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Jokes
Jesus gives speech
Jesus was standing on a hill talking to his people.
''He who hath not sinned, cast the first stone." Just then a stone came flying from the back of the crowd and hit him hard on the head.
''Ouch, Mom! I hate when you do that!"
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