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Fall-Down Drunk
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."


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You're not old enough
A man and his grandson are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The man takes out a cigarette and lights it. His grandson says, "Grandpa, can I try some of your cigarette?" "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" Grandpa asks. "No," says the little boy. "Then you're not big enough." A few more minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it. The little boy says, "Grandpa, can I have some of your beer? "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" Grandpa asks. "No," says the little boy. "Then you're not old enough." Time passes and they continue to fish. The little boy gets hungry and he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies and eats one. The grandfather looks at him and says, "Hey they look good. Can I have one of your cookies?" "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" asks the little boy. "I most certainly can!" says Grandpa. "Good, then go fuck yourself,"
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