"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry." = You'll be sorry

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correctdecision should be obvious by now.

"Do what you want"  = You'llpay for this later.

"We need to talk"  = I needto complain.

"Sure... go ahead"  = I don'twant you to.

"I'm not upset"  = Of courseI'm upset, you moron!

"You're ... so manly"  = Youneed a shave and you sweat a lot.

"You're certainly attentivetonight"  = Is sex all you ever think about?

"Be romantic, turn out the lights"= I have flabby thighs.

"This kitchen is so inconvenient"  = I want a new house.

"I want new curtains"  = andcarpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

"Hang the picture there" = NO, Imean hang it there!

"I heard a noise"  = Inoticed you were almost asleep.

"Do you love me?"  = I'mgoing to ask for something expensive.

"How much do you love me?"  =I did something today you're really not going to like.

"I'll be ready in a minute."  = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

"Is my butt fat?"  = Tell meI'm beautiful.

"You have to learn tocommunicate."  = Just agree with me.

"Are you listening to me!?"  = [Too late, you're dead.]

"Was that the baby?" = Why don'tyou get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

"I'm not yelling!"  = Yes Iam yelling because I think this is important.