A man was working on a preacher's car in a garage and he was pushing hard on a wrench to loosen a nut and his hand slipped. He yelled “Goddamn it” and the preacher said, “Don't take the Lord's name in vain, say ‘Lord, help me, Lord help me.’” The man went back to work and, a little while after, his hand slipped again and he said “Goddamn it” again. The preacher again told him, “Don't take the Lord's name in vain, say ‘Lord help me, Lord help me.’” The man put the car up on the jacks and got under it and, all of a sudden, the car starting coming down and he said, “Lord, help me, Lord help me!” And the car started rising. The preacher said all of a sudden, “Well, Goddamn.”
Un-interested Husband A woman complains to her friend that her husband is losing interest in sex, and he prefers nights out with the guys to the joys of copulation.
Her friend tells her that to win his love, she must make more effort. She advises her to cook her man a slap up meal and then send him out drinking with his friends. When he returns, she must be dressed in her naughtiest lingerie and look her most beautiful.
The following evening, she does exactly as instructed and is dressed to kill by the time her man returns. When he sees her lying on the bed in all her gear, he tells her to stand up and take it all off. He then tells her to do a hand stand against the bedroom mirror and open her legs. This excites the woman immensely as her hubby has never been this erotic before. She does as instructed, and then he puts his face between her legs, faces the mirror and says, "No, no....maybe the guys are right. A beard wouldn’t suit me"
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