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Things Your Mom Would Never Say to You
10. How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?9. Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.8. Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week.7. Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.6. That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.5. Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.4. The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.3. Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look like crap. 2. Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?1. Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

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Daughter's Prayer
A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"

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