A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from Noo Yok Siddy.” Suddenly the angel standing at the gate calls out next, and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased, and proceeds through the gates. Next, the minister steps up to the angel and the angel hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water. The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, “That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life as a minister and get nothing! How can that be?” The angel replies, “Up here we judge on results—all of your people sleep through your sermons—in his taxi, they pray.”
The Blonde and Her Melons This blonde was walking down a road, when this guy came along. The blond was carrying a bag. The guy goes, ''What are you carrying?'' She goes, ''Melons.'' The guy goes, ''Cool. if I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?'' The blonde giggles and goes, ''If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them.''
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