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Misc. Jokes

Rejected Hallmark Cards

1) So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
She's a really good lay!

2) My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I loooked at the tire,
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

3) You had your bladder removed,
and you're on the mends.
Here's a bouquet of flowers
And a box of Depends.

4) You've announced that you're gay,
Won't that be a laugh,
When they find out you're one
Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!

5) Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy!

6) Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be,
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me!

7) You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?

Funny Pictures

First data

Jokes

Ready to Go Home Yet?
There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender for a beer. He chugged it, looked into his pocket, asked for another beer. Which he chugged, then looked into his pocket, and asked for another beer. This went on for a while then the bartender finally asked, 'How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?' The man said, 'because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough to go home.'

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