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Misc. Jokes



Polite Ways to Say They're Stupid

1. A few clowns short of a circus.

2. A few fries short of a happy meal.

3. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

4. All foam, no beer.

5. The butter has slipped off his pancake.

6. The cheese slid off his cracker.

7. Body by fisher, brains by Mattel.

8. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

9. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

10. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

11. As smart as bait.

12. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

13. Her sewing machine's out of thread.

14. One fruit loop shy of a full bowl.

15. Her antenna doesn't pick up all channels.

16. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

17. Proof that evolution can go in reverse.

18. Receiver is off the hook.

19. Not wired to code.

20. Skylight leaks a little.

21. She stayed on the tilt-a-whirl a bit to long.

22. Too much yardage between the goal posts.

23. Got a full 6 pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold them together.

24. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is on.

25. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.

26. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

27. She is so dense, light bends around her.

28. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

29. Standing close to her, you can hear the ocean.

30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.



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A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asked him what happened. "Well, it's like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball." "And..." pried the doctor. "Well, that's when I made my mistake... I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to the misses, 'This one here looks like yours!'"
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