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Southern Minister Pours the Liquor
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And finally, he cried, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.

After a few moments, the song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."


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Brains
An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research.

''How much is this one?'' he asked. ''Well that one is a monkey brain and it's $20,'' he explained.

''How much is that one?'' he asked ''Well that one is a female brain and its $100.'' he explained.

''And how much is that one?'' he asked. ''That one is a male's brain and it is $500'' he explained.

''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked. ''Well it has hardly been used!''

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