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To My Loving Wife
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husbandos funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been ocalled home to gloryo following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widowos son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

From: Your Departed Husband

Subject: Iove Arrived!

Iove just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

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Out Of College

You know you're out of college when...

You don't know what time Taco Bell closesanymore.

Your potted plants stay alive.

Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

You have to pay your own credit card bill.

You haven't seen a soap opera in over ayear.

8:00 a.m. is not early.

You have to file your own taxes.

You hear your favorite song on the elevatorat work.

You're not carded anymore.

You carry an umbrella.

Your friends marry and divorce instead ofhook-up and break-up.

You start watching the Weather Channel.

Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples inyour wardrobe.

You can no longer take shots, and smokinggives you a sinus attack.

You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

You go to parties that the police don'traid.

Adults feel comfortable telling jokes aboutsex in front of you.

Your car insurance goes down, except whenyou move to Jersey.

You refer to college students as kids.

You drink wine, scotch and martinis insteadof beer, bourbon, and rum. Well, some of us still drink rum.

You feed your dog Science Diet instead ofTaco Bell.

You're waking up at 6 a.m. instead of going tobed.

College sweatshirts are 'casual' instead ofdress up.

Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

Naps are no longer available between noonand 6 p.m.

Dinner and a movie — the whole date insteadof the beginning of one.

You get your news from sources other thanUSA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and MTV News.

METABOLISM SLOWDOWN

Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's andMad Dog.

You actually eat breakfast foods atbreakfast time.

Grocery lists actually contain relativelyhealthy food.

When drinking, you say at least once pernight ''I just can't put it down like I used to.''

Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

You decide your parents weren't as dumb asyou thought!

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